Good Bye Miami...Hello Tampa.
Or
Sure, Whatever.

I cannot stress enough the lack of love lost between Florida and me. Bugs Bunny once sawed off Florida and sent it drifting away in one of his cartoons. I see nothing wrong with that(as long as all my friends are nice and safe in Colorado first)

But Flordia is a fine state you say, how can you hate a state?
Because! I say to you. Because.
It is probably just how I remember things, but bad or inconvenient things always seem to happen to me in Flordia. Not saying that crappy things don't happen to me elsewhere I just don't remember them quite like I do if I were in Flordia.

Case in point. Friday was our last day at work in Miami. I was glad to be going home and glad to be leaving the client site. Jane (assumed name) and I were just about to leave the client site when Jane received a call from our boss. Jane no longer had a job. I cannot speak for Jane (I know we all know how that kind of loss will send your world spinning) so I will speak for myself (as I usually do)IT SUCKED. What sucked worse was that while she was leaving for home out of the Miami airport, I was leaving out of the Ft. Lauderdale airport (an hour away...at best).

I offered to take a cab to Ft. Lauderdale, but being a trooper she said '...don't be silly.'
So here I am feeling like a complete ass while she calls her support lines to let them know of her situation as I drive myself to the airport. I try to be as small as possible and try not to remind her of ex-job.

Once we get to the airport we say our awkward goodbyes and I go into the airport to begin my weekend of debauchery. (P.S. We still talk, she is doing just fine. As is the case in most of these situations...it was a blessing in disguise)

My flight was at 7:10pm. I checked my watch as I walk up to the counter to check in. 2:15pm. This is going to be a longer day than it already has been. The lady at the Southwest counter was really very helpful. (yes it actually CAN happen) She told me that I couldn't check bags more than 4 hours before a flight.
Sure, what ever.
I asked if I could catch an earlier flight. She said that the 2:50 flight was delayed due to weather and maybe I could get on that one. I was dubious but..
Sure, what ever.
She checked me in and sent me on my way. My plan was to check the gate to make sure I knew when the plane was leaving, make sure I was on that plane, then sit down to have a beer and talk to my boss about my survivor guilt.

I called my Kim in Tampa (Vanbrunt) to tell her I was on an earlier flight. That is when she told me that they were having the worst weather they have had since the hurricane. Her pool was flooding, roofs were caving in all over the city and that they were in a tornado WARNING until 3:30pm. Just as my jaw was dropping the lady in the unfortunate Southwest uniform announced that 'due to weather, this flight to Tampa was cancelled.' UG! Annoyed, I picked up my belongings with intent to have a good long drink at the bar (At least I will get SOMETHING accomplished albeit a buzz) and wait for the weather to clear. At worst, I could catch my original flight at 7:10. That is when the oh so lovely dulcimer voice of the frazzled counter agent came back on the loudspeaker. 'We ask that you stay in the gate area as we are arranging alternate transportation for you.'
Alternate transportation???!! What? you've booked us an air boat?
Still more annoyed I sat myself down and watched as happy travelers boarded OUR plane for another destination (their plane was grounded for mechanical reasons...so since ours wasn't going to Tampa they took ours)
The man next to me began to discuss rather loudly his dissatisfaction to no one in particular.
'I travel all the time, I land in this kind of shit ALL THE TIME. THIS IS BULLSHIT.'
Sure, whatever.
I walked away.
Some minutes wasted away before our fates were revealed. We were told that our luggage could be claimed at carousel #6 then we could take our baggage and board the Grey Hound Bus they had ordered for us.
Yes, you read that right....a Bus. The alternate transportation was a bus. I considered my options.
Wait for the 7:10 flight that I am booked on that will be over loaded with EXTREMELY annoyed passengers and take the chance that not only the weather will clear but that the airport will allow in flights. If they are allowing in flights it will surely be backed up from all the other cities wanting in. No, I think the best thing to do is take the sure thing, though it would be slow going.

With a deep sigh...I head down to baggage claim to claim my baggage.
As I am getting my bags I run into the 'BULLSHIT' man.
"Can you believe....a fucking bus man!...this is bullshit."
Calmly I told him that I would rather be safe than fly into a tornado. He paused ever so briefly to contemplate this, then shook off the sense that it made.
"I fly all the time, I land in this shit all the time."
Sure, what ever
I gave him my raised eyebrow look.
"You taking the bus??!!" he said incredulously.
I was thinking of discussing my well thought out reasoning in hopes of making him SEE but opted for something I thought he could better understand.
"Yes."
"Well I got a flight on Delta...fuck this Southwest bullshit"
I had the slightest urge to try to rationalize with him. One airline does not have immunity over weather. Can you picture a big immunity stick strapped on the top of a Delta plane?! Big shaman feathers hanging over the cockpit windows. Bells and chickens feet flopping allover the place.
"Good luck." I said as I continued dragging my 80 pound suit case across the airport.
"Good luck to you." he said in a not so sincere tone. Still flabbergasted that I was taking a bus. (him and me both to be honest)

I get to the bus and with a few shuffling here and there. I position myself and feather my bus seat nest. I call my Kim.

"YOUR ON A WHAT???!!!!"
"a bus."
"THEY PUT YOU ON A BUS??!!"
"yes."
"A BUS??!!"
silence on my end
laughter on her end
"When are you leaving?"
"i don't know."
"You don't know when you are leaving?"
"when everyone gets here i guess."
"Who's all coming?"
"the people on the plane."
"When will you get here?"
"i don't know."
"They didn't tell you when you would get here?"
"i'm just glad they are doing anything at all. if i were anywhere else they wouldn't even offer up hotel for 'acts of god'"
"I can't believe you are on a bus."
"i can't believe i'm still in flordia."
It was then I realized I never did get my drink.
"god i want a drink."
(have you noticed the case when I speak...I was feeling very depressed)
"Well let me know when you leave...Do you know where they will drop you off?"
"no. i imagine the airport, but i don't know. i just grabbed my luggage and got on the bus before it left. i will ask later."
So we hung up. I took out my Sudoku book and a bottle of water . Prepared for a long long night.
Sure, whatever.
Sometime into the trip Kim calls again.
"where are you?"
"on a bus."
"Ha Ha. Where in the state are you?"
"how the fuck should i know."
"Well what does it look like outside?"
"SWAMP!"
"Well are there any signs?"
"I've been avoiding looking at all the swamp."
"Well when you see signs for (forgot city name) then you have about an hour to go. Call me and let me know."
"o.k. we are going to stop somewhere for a 'dinner break'. i will call you then, hopefully i will know more."
You know....I must say, Kim was very tolerant of my crappy attitude. She let me be a right bitch. Its good to have friends. :)
The bus stopped in some godforsaken McDonalds parking lot in some godforsaken city in Flordia, pissing down with rain and lightning as if the universe itself was not amused with Flordia. As I stood in line waiting for my 6 piece chicken mcnuggets the man behind me said
"I'm just getting a large soda, my wife was making fun of me when I was packing that bottle of rum...she ain't making fun of me now."
My mouth watered. Had he been single..I might have asked him over to my feathered bus nest. Hell, maybe I could ask for some anyway. As I took in his exuberance and his swagger, I decided to stay far away from him and his wife.
To make this short story less long I will cut right to the point where I get to the Tampa airport....6 hours later.
Sure, whatever.
The two buses pull into (the Tampa airport)the worst traffic jam I have seen in a while. There were WAY TOO many cars there. Both Kims were in Vanbrunts car waiting to pick me up. Parker met me where the bus dropped me off and instead of wait for Vanbrunt to find us and pick us up we gathered my luggage and went to find her in the lines of traffic. So here we were weaving in and out of car traffic on foot. When we found Vanbrunt she stopped, popped the back, Parker threw in my 'rock' as she called it and we got in and drove away.
Needless to say the second we got back to Kim's I had a drink.
Damn Skippy.
and thus began our weekend of girlish debauchery which is a whole other blog. Nothing really quite so funny...except for that man in Ybor city. I have a video of him and will try to post it on either my blog or my picture trail. It is inanely funny.
My next trip is to Terre Huate in March. Don't expect stories like these...but I will try to meet up with the Cases (a.k.a. Mesics) either in Terra Haute or Wisconson. Just so you know.
P.S. You're welcome to stop by if you'd like :)

Bliss to you all.